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January 2010  

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And again.  
10:00pm 06/01/2010
Hubert P. Goop
Once more I come to Livejournal in a moment of desperation and depression. Anxiety has been familiar to me for quite a while now, but this is the first time I've actually felt sad, sheer sadness in a long time. Sadness is much, much worse than anxiety. This feeling is nearly indescribable. Hopeless doesn't even scratch the surface. Despair, real despair, is what I'm feeling right now. And I'm not even too sure why. This should be a happy coincidence.
While standing outside of Town and Country, waiting for mom to come out (I had gotten food from New Dragon and I felt kind of stupid just sitting there, so I went outside), I heard "Christopher!" out of the silence. Tiff ran up and gave me a hug. She talked about her job and I complimented her new hairstyle. I felt very indifferent during this whole encounter, but on the way home it hit me. Just as mom turned down Grove, an overwhelming sadness washed over me. This utter hopeless feeling of what will never be. The feeling that she's happy with someone else just smashed my spirit to bits. I know it's selfish of me, and I should be happy for her, but nevertheless I felt terrible.

But I just watched Wall-E and now I feel better. Sorry for this entry. I probably shouldn't even post this because now I feel great, but, eh, I'll post it for history's sake. Perhaps this journal will become my "DEPRESSION LOG."

I hope not.
mood: cheerfulcheerful
music: Erran Baron Cohen - Grooming Pubis
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I'm a bad son.  
12:53pm 19/12/2009
Hubert P. Goop
Mom just left. We had been planning this Christmas shopping excursion for weeks now. We were going to go to Temptations, to Barnes and Nobel, to that paperback bookstore by Aubig's, to the Chocolate Factory for some soup... When it came down to it, that same feeling from seemingly so long ago washed over me like a flood. Anxiety. Worry. Fear. Hands shaking. Head throbing. Clutching the socks I was supposed to put on my feet while pacing up and down the house. I don't even know why I feel this. There's nothing to worry about out there. It's completely irrational. Do I just not want to leave the house...? No, it's not that. I've gone out more frequently lately, although it's always to a friend's house. This feeling...I haven't felt it in such a long time. Things were going so good. I had broken free of this thing. I'm going to start school next month. Go out more often. Possibly even actually hang out with Clare, Tiff, and Em. Things were looking so up. I felt so optimistic. It all fell away in one quick motion. Like being slapped with a fish. And now guilt. Guilt of the worst sort. The kind of guilt that makes you want to punch yourself in the head. The kind of guilt that makes you want to phase out of their life so you can't do this to them again...

Why is it I only post the bad things that happen to me? The times when I feel the most weemo? Is that when I just have to get it out of my system somehow, so I post it to El Jay? Hmm... I think I should update every so often when I feel good, too...

Oh, and for the curious lurkers from the Hikari Club, Chapter Three will be done by Christmas. Or, if not that, no later than New Years.
mood: guiltyguilty
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Attack of the Orange Ladybug Beetles  
08:28pm 27/10/2009
Hubert P. Goop
Ah, it's that time of year again. The leaves are changing, the weather is getting colder, the schoolchildren are moaning, the salespeople are grinding their hands trying to get people in the Christmas shopping mood, and THOSE FUCKING ORANGE BEETLES ARE BACK. These bastards are taking over our house. You can see at least five of them in every room. The back porch windows were nearly covered in them one day. I screamed when I saw that. But believe it or not, we've had them worse. I...don't want to get into that. Anyway, all we need now is a good vacuum and we're ready for The Hunt. But all we have right now is something similar to a Dust-Buster connected to a long pole with duct tape. Well, slightly more advanced than that. Well, that's enough about that.

I hate Yosuke now. I purposely left his Social Link at 9. Other than that, I slugged and chugged through all of the endings, and now I'm in Izanami's place. It reminds me of a bad Post Modern painting, but hey. I would be playing right now, but I was just ambushed this afternoon by a shadow in a chest and got Mamoodon'd to death. Like, seriously, that was his first move. I...just put down the controller at that point and turned it off. I'll probably try Yomotsu Hirasaka again tomorrow.

Clare came over today~ I'm guessing it was because she talked to Em who mentioned mybadbadbathhouse entry, which can be found OH GOD DON'T CLICK HERE. I know it's supposed to be anonymous, but...well, I don't really know. I guess I was just too lazy to click a few more times. Anyway, enough about that; I shouldn't even be promoting it. I'm guessing then that the two of them started talking about me, and Em convinced Clare that I wasn't blaming them for that misery a while back. So they do care~~! Well, sorta. Clare came over because she apparently lost her key, but I think she just wanted to see me. No, not like that. She brought Danielle and we just chatted about P4. Her mom came pretty soon after she showed up, but it was nice nonetheless. Even if I looked a little haggard.

I don't really think there's anything else... I've been sleeping in unhealthy amounts, but that's mostly due to not really anything to do. I'm usually just alone in this house until mom comes home. Aubig can rarely come over anymore, which makes me sad. I guess my warm blue blanket is my best friend now. ;__; Nah. He's always busy doing some sort of work for family friends. He's trying to amass his share of the Acen Slush Fund. He and I are going to save all the money we can to get two rooms at the Hyatt and bring whoever we can with us. In fact, we're planning on inviting everyone who's likely to read this.

I can't remember if I wrote that I applied for a job in my last journal...well, anyway, I applied for a Stock Boy/Cashier job at Best Buy, and I'm probably going to put in a couple more, like those midnight jobs at Kohl's where they lock you in and you just have to stock the store. (But usually much hilarity ensues, according to Cathy. I wonder how she's doin'...) So, yeah. jorb. Hopefully I'll get one. I don't even want the money; I want to get back on a human schedule. Well, I guess the money is a plus for college and Acen. At least two-thirds of my salary will go towards those two thingies.

But that's about it. A lot happened today. Or at least, a lot happened compared to my usual sleep-filled day.
mood: sleepysleepy
music: Juno Reactor - War Dogs | Powered by Last.fm
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10:08pm 19/10/2009
Hubert P. Goop
Okay, I'm deleting all previous entries pertaining to weemo-ness. Urgh.

The fall season is upon us, and it's time to start wearing warm clothing again. Which includes socks. But I haven't worn socks since, like, February. When I put them on after such a long time my feel felt senseless. Like they were confined. After a whole spring and summer being barefoot, I felt like I had lost a whole sense after walking about in shoes. I guess mom was right; I'm a hippy at heart. I get the feeling I'm going to join that one college house whose members don't wear anything on their feet, ever. Except when there's, like, snow on the ground.
I'm sure this sounds kind of disgusting to those who read this. Sorry, just something on my mind.

For the past few days I've ACTUALLY BEEN PLAYING P4 WHOA. And I'm getting way too into it. When Nanako was kidnapped I felt like I had to strangling Namatame. Like, in real life. There have only been two characters in media that I've ever wanted to actually punch in the face, and this marks the third. Even though I'm pretty sure he's not the mastermind.
Yeah, I'm in the middle of Nanako's dungeon.

And...that's about all to report. My life has been very EVENTFUL lately.
mood: aggravatedaggravated
music: 中鶴純一 - Quest For Glory | Powered by Last.fm
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Happy to Know You  
05:31am 19/07/2009
Hubert P. Goop
Okay, I stole this from Clare/Clare's friend James. (Gomen, James-kun.) LET'S SEE WHERE IT GOES.

Tee Hee HeeCollapse )

Oh yeah. Aubig bought Pokemon Platinum a few days ago and he's been playing it nonstop like a madman. He's urging me to get a DS. He's also pestering me for all your guys' codes lol.

Oh yeah. Max's open house is today (Sunday) from 2 to 6. You guys can come if you want. Just be expecting a bunch of awesome Polish people.

Oh yeah. I still haven't gotten P4 yet...GOMEN NASAI I'VE BEEN A TOTEMO BAKA DDDDDDDDDX

location: hawse
mood: restlessrestless
music: niconico - [Kaiji MAD] G.T. Janken wa Unputenpu na no ka? [Sai]
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Sleeping to the sound of a goopy spider-thing.  
12:45am 07/07/2009
Hubert P. Goop
I've noticed I've been taking more and more naps. I think it's this near-NEET lifestyle I've been leading on. I remember Em telling me how she would constantly take naps, and I thought her crazy at the time. But now I'm starting to fall into it too, even though I still have a class and a half until I graduate. I...really need to get those done. I still don't even know the deadline. Jesus, I say I'm going to do them but I never end up doing it. Distraction gets the better of me. I don't think I can do these in this house. I need to go to the library one of these days and just buckle down and do them. Or maybe to Kouts...

...Wait, wasn't my last post like that? Shit.

I've also been playing a lot of BlazBlue. It's by the same guys who made Guilty Gear, only this one is a bit less manic and a bit more technical. As usual, I'm a Jack of all trades. I know easily picked up every character in the game, but I don't really have one character I'm better than everybody with. Well, maybe Arakune. Here's a picture of his pretty face:

He's this scientist who traded his body for complete understanding of the universe. He became the most intelligent being in existence. Except it left him both a big pile of goop and bugs AND he turned completely batshit. His plan kind of backfired. Any way, he hops all over the stage and spits bugs out and shit. Freaks your opponents the fuck out. He's pretty hard to control too.

Eh, that's enough for right now. I'm a little tired. I guess I just didn't know what to post.
mood: tiredtired
music: Kenny Chou - Menu Music (One Must Fall: 2097)
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10:01pm 28/06/2009
Hubert P. Goop
Okay, disregard that last entry. That was just a really bad day. We all have those every now and then.


Let's see...happenings...

Well, I've decided on Tuesday (because they're closed on Mondays) I'm going to Shallow Grave and selling a BUNCH of shit. I haven't sold anything in about three years, not since the Huge Birthday Mistake. I'm selling there because those guys need all the help they can get as to not disintegrate under the EB Machine. Oh wait, it's Gamestop now. But yes, afterwards I'll be going to Best Buy and I'LL FINALLY GET PERSONA 4!!!111! ...If they have it. If not I may have no choice but to go to Gamestop. But yes, I'll finally be in the "in" crowd. I'll get all the jokes that I haven't gotten for almost a year and other things. Mostly have fun. I might get something else too if I have enough, but I have no idea what. I probably won't have too much, and P4 is still a "whopping" 30 bucks. Maybe I'll get the crappy Nightmare before Christmas game and wrap it in tin foil for Aubig. Or something like that.

Oh yeah, BILLY MAYS IS DEAD. FUCK! The loudest spokesman to ever walk the earth, and one of my personal heroes, has died of MYSTERIOUS circumstances. His wife found him unresponsive after he suffered a rough landing at an airport. The front tires went out and he said a bunch of heavy things in the above compartments hit him in the head. So now it's David Carradine, Micheal Jackson, Billy Mays, and countless others. Not to mention a BUNCH of governments are being uprooted by their military forces. The Doom is upon us! Everybody to the Bat Shelter!

Hmm...not really much else. I'm back to my normal self now. Oh, Aubig has been invited to the King of Pop's private funeral. He has a family friend who is also friends with the Jackson mother, and she was allowed to bring a few other people. So Aubig will be able to fulfill one of his wishes and touch Michael Jackson's face, just to see how it feels.
mood: fullfull
music: Soul Coughting - Rollin'
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I think I'm addicted to stealing things from Clare.  
12:37am 14/06/2009
Hubert P. Goop
Stolen from al_sforzando

1. You can ONLY answer 'Yes' or 'No'.

2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone comments you and asks— and, believe me, the temptation to explain some of these will be overwhelming. Nothing is exactly as it seems.

Been arrested? — no
Kissed someone you didn't like? — no
Slept in until 5 PM? — yes
Fallen asleep at work/school? — yes
Held a snake? — yes
Ran a red light? — no
Been suspended from school? — yes
Experienced love at first sight? — yes
Totalled your car in an accident? — no
Been fired from a job? — no
Fired somebody? — no
Sung karaoke? — yes
Pointed a gun at someone? — yes
Did something you told yourself you wouldn't? — yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? — yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? — yes
Kissed in the rain? — yes
Had a close brush with death (your own)? — no (...?)
Saw someone die? — no
Played Spin-the-Bottle? — no
Smoked a cigar? — yes
Sat on a rooftop? — yes
Smuggled something into another country? — no
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? — yes
Broken a bone? — no
Skipped school? — yes
Eaten a bug? — no
Sleepwalked? — no
Walked on a moonlit beach? — yes
Ridden a motorcycle? — yes
Dumped someone? — no
Forgotten your anniversary? — no
Lied to avoid a ticket? — no
Ridden in a helicopter? — no
Shaved your head? — no
Blacked out from drinking? — no
Played a prank on someone? — yes
Hit a home run? — yes
Felt like killing someone? — yes
Cross-dressed? — yes
Been falling-down drunk? — no
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? — yes
Eaten snake? — yes
Marched/Protested? — yes
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? — no
Puked on an amusement ride? — no
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? — no
Knitted? — yes
Been on TV? — no
Shot a gun? — yes
Skinny-dipped? — no
Given someone stitches? — no
Eaten a whole habenero pepper? — no
Ridden a surfboard? — no
Drunk straight from a liquor bottle? — no
Had surgery? — yes
Streaked? — no
Been taken by ambulance to a hospital? — yes
Tripped on mushrooms? — no
Passed out when NOT drinking? — yes
Peed on a bush? — yes
Donated Blood? — yes
Grabbed electric fence? — no
Eaten alligator meat? — no
Eaten cheesecake? — yes
Killed an animal when not hunting? — no
Peed your pants in public? — no
Snuck into a movie without paying? — no
Written graffiti? — yes
Still love someone you shouldn't? — yes
Think about the future? — yes
Been in handcuffs? — yes
Believe in love? — yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? — no
mood: anxiousanxious
music: Acoustic Ladyland - Red Sky
tags: meme
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The 3 AM Update!  
02:54am 08/06/2009
Hubert P. Goop
Well, I wanted to give a little update on my LIFFEEE, but I was too lazy to plug the 'net back into the computer. So I'm typing this on Aubig's/my PS3! Or so I thought. Apparently the PS3 can't handle multiple paragraphs. So here I am, back on my dinosaur for the first time in a while. So what's been going on? A lot, or at least for me.
Where to start...

Well, Max is off in Europe. That came as kind of a shock. He had told us months before but I guess it slipped my mind; things tend to get slippery after a while up there. I asked him if he wanted to hang out tomorrow the day after graduation, to which he responded, "I can't, man. I'm going to EUROPE." Anyway, I was awed and surprised to see him go. I wonder if he's gotten sloshed in Germany yet.

What's next...?
My gigantic 5 month old cousin was baptised into the catholic faith yesterday. It was the first time I had been to a church in a while, but it felt oddly good to be there. Although the Church was catholic and I was a little uneasy, being that we're PROTESTANT HEATHENS. But it was still cool to be back. It brought back the days of Confirmation. But even then I had lost faith in Christianity. I've come to believe that there is indeed a God, but he's not the Christian God. I think he's a confused and/or demented 2nd grade schoolboy in some other dimension who created this universe for a science project. He got a D. And now he just keeps the universe in a box in the back of his house to remind him of his many failures. See, this is why I shouldn't be allowed in churches anymore.

I've been playing one of the games I swore I would never play recently. Final Fantasy XII may suck something fierce, but there's something about it. It has a very...brown feel to it. There's no real way to describe it. It's very earthly. Very believable, even if it does suck. I'm 62 hours in and I'm not even sure if I'm half-way done yet. Jesus.

Oh yeah, and I also finally obtained not only Bioshock, but Bioshock AND Silent Hill 5, better known as Homecoming. Although Aubig has my 360 and it's driving me CRAZY that I can't play these. I hope he's coming as early as he says he is tomorrow.

There was something else...but I can't remember what it was. Shit! I hate it when that happens. It's going to be bugging me until I go to sleep now.
mood: giddygiddy
music: Isaac Hayes - Run Fay Fun
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Has anything been happening?  
07:46pm 30/05/2009
Hubert P. Goop
Has anything new happened in my life lately? Hmm....

Well, it's not really with me, but Tiff has finally acquired some freedom. She's been able to leave her house twice in the past two weeks! HUZZAH!
...She needs to get out of there.

Well, as the school year draws to a close, I don't think I'll be attending the graduation ceremony. I could have, but Kolish never responded to us like three weeks ago when we asked if I could and he said he'd get everything set up. I also learned I have more time with these classes, THANK GOD. Monsieur Kolish also stated as long as I get these classes and tests done by the time the second part of summer school ends I'll be a graduate of 2009. Although 2009 is an odd number to graduate in. I'd rather be 2010. Sounds much more POWERFUL. Someone who graduated in 2010 will be hired over a 2009 if they were going for the same job. But I won't be a 2010. (If I can help it.)

Is there anything else...?

Hmm, it was a while ago, but I saw Clare in CONSAATO. It was surprisingly better than I thought it was going to be, and I had high expectations going in. But the best song was (sorry Clare) the guy-exclusive song the concert choir did. And not just because of James acting superblack, it was overall really, really well done.

Besides replaying Hitman games, that's it. It's always fun to screw with people in that game.
mood: cheerfulcheerful
music: Santa Esmeralda - Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood
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